Trophy Parenting

I've given up any hopes of being a Trophy Wife, so I've changed lanes and entered the world of Trophy Parenting. I heard an incredible FOTF (Focus on the Family) broadcast featuring [Missouri] Pastor Ted Cunningham; author of "Trophy Child". Cunningham is a self-proclaimed reformed trophy parent himself who was clued-in to his behavior on -- of all places, FACEBOOK! (A-hem!) He started blocking people who would constantly post about their childrens' accomplishments and then he realized he was doing it himself! (Woops!) "Trophy/vanity parenting": nowadays, parents are literally obsessed with their child's successes. We are pushing our children in every way; sports, reading (and not just reading, *accelerated* reading), learning a second language, etc, etc... (We're all familiar with the DVD series, "My Baby Can Read!") We sign them up every time the church offers something. Cunningham says, "We end up taking so much credit when our children do well, and then so much blame when they fail." Cunningham encourages us to start saying NO - and building margin within the home. "We're losing time together, serving, generousity..." I was encouraged and warned that both our childrens' successes and failures have very little to do with us. Conversely, Cunningham addressed the growing 'prolonging' process of adolescence. He cautioned - when a child enters that stage of wanting to feel their own way (i.e. they want to get a job, change their hairstyle or way of dress) we pull back - preventing the natural process of our child becoming an adult. Additionally, we are offering our children too many privileges/not enough responsibilities which also contributes to longer adolescence. It's such a hard balance - trying to raise your children to be independent and self-sufficient, but knowing when exactly to let go. James Dobson has terrific tips in his parenting books library. I encourage curious readers to use him as an excellent resource. I was made aware of my own Trophy Parenting tendencies when I heard this interview. Our church offers Awana club on Tuesday nights. Our older boy attended for many years and later ended up being a "helper" (games coach, etc...) But during his years at Awana, I don't think he EVER cracked open a book. So I was shocked when my 6 yo started just a few months ago... He immediately began to devour his workbooks and wouldn't stop memorizing verses! And I wasn't asking him to study, reminding him to read, nothing. He was persuing this on his own. But still I had to keep ironing his new badges onto his Awana vest and buy him the next Sparks book in the series. So what else did I do? Well, I posted the proof on Facebook, HELLO?! How ELSE are GiGi & Pop Pop going to see??? (SIC) To add to my Trophy Parenting confession, this same son was on TV last night. He auditioned and was selected last March -- somewhat accidentally -- for a VERY brief spot on a local childrens' network. This, I'm sure, was his first and last "job" as I don't plan on encouraging him into childhood stardom any more. (I mean afterall, look what happened to poor Danny Bonaduce - who visited our home once when he was 11 - that's another story altogether.) But the TV experience for my boy was fun and included two train rides into the city and the chance to meet Star - the talking "puppet" (although Levi still believes he's real). Sweet thing. I think I have a healthy sense of pride for my boys. Now, to keep that in check. LISTEN TO THE FOTF BROADCAST HERE: http://www.christianradio.com/ministry/focus-on-the-family/moving-beyond-performance-based-parenting-part-1.html#/moving-beyond-performance-based-parenting-part-1.html