Since the beginning of Facebook, millions of people have enjoyed certain groups created for like minded people to share thoughts, sell things, help neighbors, buy stuff, post silly puppy videos, relive memories, etc... I personally have joined many groups and even started some of my own.
So, given the fact that Facebook is a means to facilitate social interaction, can someone please explain to me the phenomenon that equates Facebook Group Admins with bullies? Good gracious, I have never seen such an unfortunate group of people with such profoundly inflated senses of self. What's wrong? Do I sound mad?
Here's what happened.
In an effort to make some money and begin living a life of minimalism (tricky because my mate is a maximalist)I have joined the big, scary world of eBay selling.
And being self-aware of the need for coaching in this area, I joined a FB group -- a support group of sorts for eBay sellers. This particular group had probably 12k members and was very active. How helpful it was to be able to lean on other sellers for advice and input and what a great way to learn.
I noticed that in almost every post however (questions about shipping, packing, airing grievances about low-bidders, etc...)the commenting option was shut off and hence read, "Commenting Has Been Turned Off". Hmmm. That was strange. Did someone say something offensive? I looked again. Not that I could see! Again, another post about "...what do you think would be the value of this...?" I wanted to leave a comment about something that I'd seen that was similar, but again - the commenting was turned off and wouldn't permit any more input.
After noticing about 8 or 10 instances of this, I started to become annoyed. I sent a private message to the Admin which read:
"Hi! I'm new to the eBay group.
I'm just wondering why you are so quick to turn off commenting? I'm a member of many groups, and admin three of my own. Why so heavy handed? What's the harm in allowing a benign conversation to continue?? If it's a friendly exchange, why interfere?
Thanks!"
I waited a couple days to see what her response to me would be. Certainly she would answer me. Or would she? Maybe she'd blast me. I was preparing myself for the worst. I looked at the FB message screen and didn't see any evidence that she had yet read my message. (When you message someone with whom you have no connection, the message hides in an "other" folder that you have to purposely look for. It doesn't automatically notify you.)
I searched for the group so I could post a query. Where was the group? Wait a minute. What? She deleted me?? For what??? For an innocent question?
I don't mind telling you, this infuriates me. This is not the first FB Admin I've encountered with an inflated sense of self. What in the world would possess these admins to rush to hit the block button?? Did they train under Nero? Did they grow up going to summer camp for Spartans? Do they dip their insubordinate members in wax and burn them at the stakes in the palace garden?? Watch it! One wrong move and you're TOAST! GIVE ME A BLEEPIN BREAK. Where's the humanity? The tolerance? The grace? Just answer a question, for goodness sake!
For almost this reason alone, I started a group of my own. Unlike some of the other groups I run, I wanted to create this group for the EXPRESSED PURPOSE OF BEING THE MOST LOVING, MOST PERMISSIVE, MOST GENEROUS Admin there ever was. (You might think this is dramatic, right. ;) )
This Nation of ours is under attack. We are divided over politics, faith, the fate of the ACA. WHY would someone, a supposed adult, choose to behave this way?
If you're still reading, God bless you. You're quite the patient friend.
So that all happened a couple weeks ago. THIS NEXT STORY JUST HAPPENED DAYS AGO.
Along with my eBay selling, I'm pretty actively involved in FB Yardsale groups. But some of my favorite groups got too big and that lead to people not following through, "Passing" a lot more, etc... It became a headache.
So with my PayPal account, a printer and some cute poly mailers, I can ship things from home! So that's what I do now. It's easy and fun and I'm quite good at it!
This last week I posted 2 pairs of my boys' shorts on an Under Armour page. A very active page for which I was so grateful; I'm able to sell a lot quickly. The shorts? 1 pair of Under Armour, the other Nike. I sold both within an hour.
Later I went back to check something and couldn't find the group. Huh? I just sold something. Where did they go? Was I blocked? Are you kidding? Turns out Nike products are not permitted and they have a no-tolerance policy, so I got the boot. And not only the boot, but blocked - which means I can't even SEE the group should I choose to look it up. No tolerance. No warning. I'm a friendly seller. I post nice pictures, good descriptions. Fair prices. I'm honest. But so long! I've been vaporized.
I wrote to the admin of the group to see why I had been ejected, she didn't read my message, but her underling did. I explained how sorry I was. It was an honest mistake. I'm a part of many groups and I forgot that THAT was the group that didn't permit Nike. I also explained that I was very compliant, obedient and would never deliberately defy the rules.
She said the rules were strict, she couldn't reinstate me but would be "happy to add me to two other similar groups". Ok. I thanked her very much.
I enjoyed immediate selling success in this new group that permitted mostly all name brands. But I tread very carefully because I noticed that this new admin was carefully policing a lot of posts; adding her unsolicited opinion here and there.
In this group I answered someone's question using FB's reply feature. (If you know FB you know the reply feature.) In the post (of the shorts I was selling) the admin wrote just moments later, "USING REPLY IS FORBIDDEN IN THIS GROUP. I CANNOT GIVE ANOTHER WARNING."
Another warning? I just joined a few hours ago? OK. Sorry. The reply feature is sorta' automatic for FB users, anymore. But Ok. I'll be more careful.
(Reader, are you still there? I know this is boring. I'm boring myself!)
I found a shirt to fit my son - it was the right size and would fit my husky boy. The seller's original price was $13.50. But she had written in the comments that it was now reduced to $13. I wrote sold, gave my email address but when the invoice came through PayPal, it said, $13.50.
I wrote within the post, "Sally, I'm so sorry, I realize this is petty, but you invoiced me for more than the asking price." I waited a few days for a reply. But instead of hearing from the seller, enter the friendly admin...
"I have read all the edits and it was indeed $13.50."
No. I pointed out the date stamp of the $13 price adjustment and took a screen shot and said, "At 7:20p, she wrote $13." (It was right there!!)
Admin: "It's petty to squabble over $.50. It was obviously an honest mistake. People make honest mistakes all the time."
(Did you hear that? Then how come I wasn't extended the same grace?)
I then wrote, "But when *I* make an honest mistake??" "I'll gladly pay the invoice now. Thanks for your gracious understanding."
I went back to find the post so I could notify the seller but I couldn't locate it. Couldn't find the group. Couldn't find anything. SHE EXPELLED ME FROM THE GROUP?
I immediately messaged the admin, "WHAT in the WORLD??".....then, "I'm sorry, this recipient is not available...." SHE BLOCKED ME, so I can no longer message her, find the group, buy or sell my things.
I AM OUTRAGED. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO BEHAVE LIKE THIS? They sit at their computers and bulldoze and annihilate anything and anyone that stands in their way or disagrees with them?? No dialogue? No explanation? Who are you Kim Jun Un??
These admins don't know me! They don't know how much I love people! They don't know that my mother is the original church lady that Dana Carvey's character played in the SNL skit. They don't know that I always pay for the car behind me in the Chik-fil-A drive through or that if the guy in my rear-view mirror in traffic looks annoyed (gives me a hand signal?) because he has to wait for me to make a left hand turn, I will abort my intended route and take a detour just so he's not inconvenienced.
So on Good Friday as I was feeling dejected, misunderstood, unheard, judged, betrayed and mistreated by someone I didn't know, guess who came to mind?
The admin that I mentioned above lives in Kentucky. I looked her up. And I was ready to send her a smelly, dead fish in the mail. Then I read Romans 12:21
"Do not repay evil for evil, but overcome evil with good."
So who wants to buy some Under Armour shorts?
