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THIS POST IS RATED G for General Thankfulness.

There was a store in my former neighborhood, Waterloo Gardens; a Main Line mainstay that employed hundreds over seven decades. It had a wonderful reputation amongst the people in the area. They boasted a nursery, upscale gift shop, fountains and hardscaping, food and houses for wild birds and experts in the field of landscaping to help you select the perfect plantings for your property. I stopped in regularly with my toddlers to tour the outdoor garden fountains during the warmer months. Window shopping there was all I really needed. At Christmastime they were famous for their Christmas Shoppe - complete with model train displays and lights galore. What was that famous miniature, lit villages brand that everyone loved to admire? Department 56 or something? I could only afford Waterloo's ornaments and gift wrap -- and only on December 26th for their post Christmas sale.

It was October, 2017 when we left my childhood home in Havertown; home that had been our sanctuary-city for, what was supposed to be a couple of weeks, but turned into three months. I had to leave many things behind at my marital residence, but God provided, like He always does, through the kindness of others.

One thing I had always longed for in my home was window lights. The warm glow coming from the windowsills always provided a welcoming and safe feeling during the cold months, especially when it became dark so early in the evening. But I had cats and casement windows and children - and was never sure how to secure the lights from being knocked over by one.

Shortly after I moved to my new apartment, I saw an ad on one of the Facebook sites... A woman had a bunch of electric, brass candle lamps for sale. I'm not sure about where you live, but around here, if you don't reply SOLD immediately, it'll be snatched out from under you in the blink of an eye by another shopping neighbor.

I didn't really read the description thoroughly, but in my haste I typed SOLD. Her home was near my King of Prussia church, so that Sunday I made my way over to meet her.

For $20 I walked out with a number of candle sticks; adjustable to be secured by shutting the window on the handle. Perfect! My cats won't knock them down.

There were ten lamps in the set. I was afraid to count the windows in my apartment in my head, so I waited...

I was ecstatic to find I had EXACTLY ten windows in my new apartment!!! I was beside myself. Then I opened the boxes of lamps, and to my delight... O my gracious, they came from my favorite store!?!?!

I realize it sounds silly, but having these candle lights in my windows gives me great hope, assurance and delight. I know God Himself led me to these lights, and I feel loved when they are lit. God, my Savior, is in the details of my life and I love it.

Matt 6:8 “...and your Father knows what you need even before you ask.”

The Things I Tried To Save My Marriage

My friend Nancy bought me a beautiful journal, and I've been writing in it of late. I'm not sure writing things down helps me as much as people say it should, but time will tell. When thoughts come flooding in, a keyboard is more my speed, due in part to my carpal tunnel. Writing by hand is sometimes painful.

So here's a list of some of the things I tried in order to save my marriage. They're in no particular order:

1. I entered "Home Makeover" shows thinking that if our broken house was fixed, it would fix our broken home
2. I went to counseling. Ad nauseam.
3. I called Bill Shore, the head of the mens' ministry at our church, and asked him to befriend my friendless husband.
4. I called my girlfriend when I found emails between my husband an his ICU nurse - and my friend's elder husband came and escorted him out of our house, hoping to warn him to get himself in line.
5. I called into Steve Arterburn's NEW LIFE radio talk show at least 6 times for marital advice. One time I waited on hold for the duration of my toddler's 2 hour nap.
6. My husband and I attended a NEW LIFE marriage weekend retreat out of state, paid for by my church. They put us in the category of "last ditch effort" couples needing radical help.
7. I read books like The Five Love Languages and Love & Respect (grrrr Eggerichs!!) and Stormie Omartian's The Power Of A Praying Wife. And countless others.
8. I listened to Focus on the Family EVERY DAY (my kitchen radio was ALWAYS tuned to WBYN.) I'd listen in the morning and during the midnight breastfeeding hours. Dobson was SURE that God wanted all marriages to stay in tact and that was the way a believer honored God. (There was little to no talk about abusive marriages 4-17 years ago.)
9. I wrote to my hero; best selling author and organizational expert, Peter Walsh, thinking that he would have mercy on me and come film a show about de-hoarding at our home. If you remember him (the sharp Aussie from the network TLC show Clean Sweep) you'll know that he was incredibly gifted at explaining to couples how 'loving your belongings more than your spouse would eventually kill your union'. (Ya think?) Yes, he wrote me back twice. He said, "the problem you're having is a communication problem."
10. I attended a 12 step program (AA meetings) (secretly). Steve Arterburn often recommended this if you had a loved one who was an addict. I wasn't sure what my husband was addicted to, but I knew it was likely several things. I thought it would give me a better understanding of how to handle his crazy and cruel behaviors. It didn't save our marriage, but I did lose 48lbs.
11. More counseling.
12. I tried to 'voluntold' my husband to serve at church. He would never agree, but I thought at least maybe parking lot duty would help him get connected?
13. Of course I prayed for him - so did my friends who were so freaking fed up with him.
14. I asked a friend to go with him to the Promise Keepers weekend in Baltimore. Sure enough, he came home with about $80 worth of merchandise. (?)
15. I rented Christian movies like "Fireproof" and we watched it as a family.
16. I enrolled in special Bible Studies at COS like Fireproof, When Life Is Hard, as I was desperate to unlock the key to my neverending problems at home.
17. I studied forgiveness.
18. I threw myself into the reading of God's Word.
19. I ONLY listened to sacred music, hoping that the words of hymns and Christian songs would penetrate my wicked heart.
20. I purchased SAFE EYES; an internet filter so the temptations of the flesh wouldn't be available in my home.
21. I begged for the 800 channels of cable be cut, but...nope.

I'm sure there are more, but MAN --- it was an exhausting existence.

I'm no expert, but I'm reading a lot these days about the terrible advice being given to Christian women about marriage and divorce.
Here are some of the things I was told might help with the state of my marriage:
1. I should probably get a part-time job to get my mind off things and get out of my hate-filled house.
2. I should just start throwing his stuff out (BAD ADVICE... When you mess with an angry hoarder and move their things without their consent, you'd better duck.)
3. I should really focus on meeting his sexual needs.
4. OUR PROBLEM WAS A COMMUNICATION PROBLEM. (WRONG!!!!!!!!!! Don't ever believe this when you're dealing with a narcissistic abuser. There is simply NO COMMUNICATING because they spin and spin and spin the blame.)
And lastly, my favorite...
5. Our marriage is made up of two sinners. Every marriage is. (Edited to add: Someone wrote to me saying she didn't think I was a sinner. I wanted to plainly state, I KNOW I AM A SINNER. I know you are, too. "We have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God." (Romans 3:23) My point is when well-meaning Christian counselors point to that obvious declaration to explain why marriage is hard, it muffles the plea of a battered (physical or emotional) spouse to fight for justice in her abusive marriage.

There are TWO types of divorces:
Divorces of boredom or irreconcilable differences (we grew apart, we fell out of love, etc...)
and LIFE SAVING DIVORCES. Be sure you know which one before you (and me!) start judging others.

That's all for today. Thanks for listening.

A Call to Christian Parents of Fortnite

Keeping my boys from video games lasted a long, long time. Until a day last year when their father took them to buy an XBOX.

In an effort to keep some sort of peace, I allowed them to transport their XBOX console to my house when they are with me. This has been one of my biggest mistakes.

But this post is not about divorcing Fortnite. (As soon as I figure that out, my readers will certainly be the first to know.)

After prayer, and in an effort to take back my boys, and shelter them under the wings of our great God, we as a family have resumed Scripture reading, prayer and time with the Lord in the morning - like we did when we were homeschooling. This sadly petered out of our daily routine when organized school began and I was treading water just to stay afloat after fleeing my home.

Like many of you, I felt ill-equipped because most of my homeschool material, books, devotionals still remain at my former coordinates and I didn't know where to start. Until recently I read that just reading them the living Word of God is good enough. Not just good enough, E N O U G H.

Today's call is regarding the "skins" used by boys in Fornite. (The skins are the characters/outfits the players choose and from what I've learned, some BUY the skins as an upgrade.)

While watching my boys play, I noticed their skins were female?! I immediately remarked about this and my 13yo said, "...everybody does it, because they're better than the male skins."

I chewed on that for a moment.

This is how it starts. An innocent game, used by the enemy to blur the lines and pervert the nature of who God made my boys to be. PERIOD. That's it.

NOT IN MY HOUSE. Either you use a male skin, or you're not playing.

If we don’t teach our children to follow Christ, the world will teach them not to, for “the whole world lies in wickedness” (1 John 5:19)

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 11:19)

"A woman must not wear men’s clothing, and a man must not wear women’s clothing, for whoever does these things is detestable to the LORD your God." (Deuteronomy 22:5)

Parents, I'm asking you to join me. PRAY ABOUT THIS and see if God calls you into action. And may God bless you as you shepherd your flock.