How Could I Ask For More

I'm gearing up for my Levi's 8th birthday tomorrow. Actually I'm not. I'm procrastinating because I'm not a good baker and those panda cupcakes I promised him are scaring me to death. But as I look back to those 41 weeks that I carried that child in 2005 and into 2006, I can almost taste, literally taste the feelings that I carried along with him. First the shock from an unexpected pregnancy, then fear and sadness that would wake me up in the middle of the night. As soon as my eyes would open, the tears would hit my pillow. Then I would sing with Nicol Sponberg and my friends in Selah, "In Jesus name, we press on..." to myself in my head. Hymns and sacred music were my antidepressants. I remember every day driving to work listening to the very same song on repeat, both to and fro (that's 40 min each way). Rita Springer, with Jesus' help, saved my life with her remarkable anthem, "I have to believe". If you only knew how many times in Paoli, Bryn Mawr and Lankenau alike I heard, "Have you considered terminating the pregnancy?" I was too scared to be offended, until later when it hit me. And after they discovered my baby's limb deficiency (week 12) they wanted to put me through the million dollar workup. Did I have cancer? Were those tumors? Was this genetic? Did he also have Downs? Or maybe he was a kangaroo?! Lord have MERCY. Finally by week 26 or so, I said no more. No more tests. This child is going to be born however Almighty God created him to be and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Oh, "...and I DON'T have cancer!", I told them. I am now so ashamed at the silly things that scared me then. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold him. Wouldn't want to look at his fin (that's what we call it -- he's our little Nemo.) I had no idea what being a mom would be like let alone being a mom to a child that was different. I remember having nightmares before he was born that onlookers would peek into the baby carriage, pull back his blanket, scream in horror----then run. But little did I know that this child would be born with blue eyes (even a greater shock than his limb difference) and end up doing television commercials. I had no idea that his favorite subject would be Bible and that he would dazzle us with his unending charisma and brain power. I had no idea the feeling I would get when I watch my parents love him to smithereens and proudly boast about his every move. My mother would squeal with every photograph she saw and my dad would brag about how the pictures I took of him were so remarkable. I had no idea what God had the power of doing. And I still don't know all that is ahead for him. For us. For me as God does a mighty work within me as his mother. Now, don't be fooled. I have not been tricked into thinking that he is going to be King Josiah; crowned at aged 8 - or leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am fully aware that this child could grow to dislike and resent me. Maybe even laugh in the face of our Lord. But for now I am going to hold onto the promise that Levi has been sealed - because of his childlike faith in Jesus. And today and everyday I will dedicate him to our Lord in hopes that he will find the calling upon his life and chase after it with all his might. The little tune I sang for Levi's dedication at COS:

There's nothing like the warmth of a baby in your arms | Watching him fall fast asleep I like to keep him safe from harm | Singing lullabies at night when no-one is around | Watching daddy's face light up with joy, he's the proudest dad in town

Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

There's nothing like the love I have for Levi in my heart | For You have formed his body and You've sculpted every part | He's the answer to the prayer, that my Granddad had for me | And I know You heard my parents' cries, when they were on their knees

Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

And now I rock my baby, in the chair that once rocked me | And daddy wants another turn to hold him tenderly | What we've learned through this child as we look into his eyes | The heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise

Thank you Lord, Oh.... Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

(Words by Linda Hytha & Sheryl Weaver White)

PLEASE LISTEN TO RITA SPRINGER'S TUNE HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttGLvjh8_8