Need a laugh today?

The following conversation took place at our local pool. Normally a very, very quiet place during the day. Folks start to file in after 4p when the rates drop. But the other day I was seated by the deep end and I see (and hear) a grown woman swim over to the hunky Lifeguard stand (the Lifeguard was seated up high) and she yelled out of the blue, "Better not get that melanoma cancer!" (He was wearing a hat, dark shades and was neatly tucked directly under a large umbrella.) I thought to myself, oh how dear. She continued, "I had that last year! I have 6 kids. Yup. Got 4 boys and 2 girls. One's a singer in Nashville. He's on the COMPUTER! He records with Bon Jovi." I continued to think, oh she IS dear. She went on and on about her kids and then I got distracted and turned off my ears. Yesterday at the pool, my boys were yelling at me to get the skimmer (like I work there?) to remove some of the floating debris that remained after the previous day's tornado that ripped through King of Prussia. (Jamie, if you're reading this, Gulph Mills Apts suffered loads of damage. 2 cars lost their windshields, plus other destruction.) Out of no-where I hear, "I used to swim in the creek! Kids today!!" There she was. My friend from the other day. She was sunbathing, laying down, and then WOOP, she sits up to speak to us. It startled me a bit but inside I was cracking up. I engaged her in casual conversation about the terrible damage sustained by the apartments behind us. "I saw that on my way to Bible Study this morning", she tells me. Then the following happened... ME: You go to Bible Study? SHE: Yeah. You heard of it? Ever do it? ME: Sure thing. Where do you go? SHE: (She points to the trees.) Down the road. At a house. ME: Oh! That's great! SHE: Where do YOU do it? ME: Well, we went to Church of the Saviour for years.... SHE: Oh, I go to prayer meetin' there. But they're closed for the summer. Are you reborn again?? ME: Yes I am! SHE: Aw, it's the best, isn't it? That Catholic stuff is all mixed up. All they want is your money. They never call to see how you're doin' or nothin'. ME: (I call out something to my boys...) SHE: How many kids you got? ME: I answer SHE: I got 6 kids. I got 4 boys and 2 girls. Ohhhhh my boys are so GOOD LOOKING!! ME: What about your girls?!! (I laugh) SHE: Oh, they're BEAUTIFUL! Wait I'll show you. She LEAPS up, no shoes, just bathing suit and starts to leave... SHE: I got pictures in my car. I'm gonna show you... She returns a few minutes later with a large photo ALBUM. I leaf through what are the MOST GORGEOUS, Pinterest perfect photographs of a Harvest Moon wedding last August in Honeybrook. I swear, everything was perfect. An old fashioned typewriter with which to sign the guest book. The men wore whatever suits they wanted, but they all blended in shades of brown tweed and gray. Lots and lots of texture complimented by the cutest little sprigs of wheat as boutonnieres. The the ring bearer had long blond hair. HIS name was Ocean. The bride wore a simple, outdoor appropriate dress. SHE: She's a lactose intolerant breastfeeding nurse. (I had to think about that for a minute.) Yeah, she makes good money. They bought a house down the Art Museum. Guess how much it was. (I shrug my shoulders.) $400,000. She then directed my attention back to the photos, and pointed to each of her children with such pride. It was really adorable. In the meantime, my curious children were standing directly behind me looking with great care at every photo and hanging on every word this sweet lady was saying. SHE: Look at these boys! Look! He's mine,(pointing to each son), HE'S mine. Aren't they good looking? That's Richie. That's Tommy. He's gay. You can kinda' tell, can't ya? (This is when I started to pray she wouldn't say too much.) This is the one that lives in Nashville... Oh my gosh that wedding was work! It was all organic. Even the beer was homemade. That's the best kind. Ya get REAL DRUNK!! (I'm screaming on the inside, and I can hear all the questions I'm going to get later from my little boys.) I guess my facial expression made her rebut, SHE: Oh, but I haven't drank in years. Yep. I got two in Nashville, two at the Art Museum, one in (???), and one in (??? ) and my youngest I got home with me. I fell all over the photos! I really did love everything I saw. They were perfect. And she returns to her seat. LEVI: (In a whisper) Mom, she adopted all those kids? ME: What honey? LEVI: She said she got one in Nashville and one somewhere else.... Oh, I'm screaming. This was the conversation I had with my new "reborn again" friend. She told me she comes to the pool every day to get away from her handicapped husband who works from home. He "does computer science". So I'm sure I'll be seeing her tomorrow. Stay tuned.

On Robin Williams...

To my fellow Christ-following friends: Another Hollywood actor has died. It's terribly, terribly sad. All I can think about is the final judgement that awaits him - the same that awaits me, and you. Some how "rest in peace" feels like an incompatible sentiment when quite possibly, if we know the Scriptures, peace may never again be within his reach. And raising a glass? How can we celebrate, with a glass no less, the passing of a man whose eternity separated from his maker is a real possibility? It makes me ache. Yes, hopefully somewhere along the line he trusted in Christ as his risen Savior, but I haven't heard anything yet that would give me that hope. Further proof that this world has nothing to offer. So instead of and empty "RIP" when something this tragic happens to someone the "world" esteems, let's not miss the opportunity to ask the people around us the hard questions. Let your light shine. Don't miss another chance to tell THE good news. Your tweet might force people to finally seek the truth. This sorta' stuff hits me hard.

Speaking of LIFEGUARDS...

Today marks the celebratory last day of the West Chester University sweaty swim lessons. It's been up and down -- up for Levi, down for Jude. But starting just yesterday (day 9 out of 10!?) Jude finally decided he was no longer going to be nervous. (Thanks for not making me wait, buddy.) Being water safe is obviously our ultimate goal so Jude was enrolled to strengthen his swimming skills. Levi was enrolled just to tag along and have fun. And I don't know about you but, as soon as these swim teachers take my child by the hand, they immediately become very, very important to me. I don't take this stuff lightly at all. In fact today I noticed a mom almost blowing off the coach at the end of the lesson. Where I, conversely, thank them repeatedly, make my sons look them in the eyes and thank them sincerely, then wrap both of my arms around them and...well, sometimes I don't let go. And I don't just mean on the last day -- I mean EVERY day. Ha!! And because of my imaginary "relationship" with these teachers, on the last day I make it my goal to present them with a token of my profound thanks and give them something that will hopefully last into eternity. So in keeping with this tradition, yesterday the boys picked out their favorite gift card (Wawa. What else?) and a small, pocket New Testament for each one. After all, they spent two weeks teaching my children life-saving techniques, the least we can do is help them to save theirs. Upon leaving we present the gift to the teacher, then I have my legendary, lengthy and mildly awkward embrace - and I snap a photo. Today, Levi tugged on my shirt, "Mom!! Aren't you going to ask him?? ASK HIM!!!" "Jason, before we leave you, Levi wants to make sure that you're a Christian." "Yes, I am. I'm a Lutheran Christian." I answered him, "THAT WORKS!!" This short story isn't to magnify the good deeds of my family or to elevate your feelings about my evangelical children. My hope is that you will take a moment in your regular lives to reach someone for Jesus. Spread the Word. Salvation is GOOD NEWS.

Modest is Hottest

Dear Moms: Summer is here. I'm raising 3 boys. (Well, technically 4.) Please help protect the eyes, minds and hearts of boys and men everywhere by dressing your daughters (regardless of age) and yourselves in one piece swimsuits. In this oversexualized world we're living in today, they need as few temptations as possible. Now I know what you're thinking, "If Sheryl had only one rear end, she'd probably be wearing a two piece herself!" You might be right. You know my motto: If I was thin, I'd be dangerous. All kidding aside, please take modesty seriously. And if you haven't already, pick up a copy of Steve Arterburn's book, Every Man's Battle and learn what happens to the male mind when their eyes see things they shouldn't. Modest is hottest.

How Could I Ask For More

I'm gearing up for my Levi's 8th birthday tomorrow. Actually I'm not. I'm procrastinating because I'm not a good baker and those panda cupcakes I promised him are scaring me to death. But as I look back to those 41 weeks that I carried that child in 2005 and into 2006, I can almost taste, literally taste the feelings that I carried along with him. First the shock from an unexpected pregnancy, then fear and sadness that would wake me up in the middle of the night. As soon as my eyes would open, the tears would hit my pillow. Then I would sing with Nicol Sponberg and my friends in Selah, "In Jesus name, we press on..." to myself in my head. Hymns and sacred music were my antidepressants. I remember every day driving to work listening to the very same song on repeat, both to and fro (that's 40 min each way). Rita Springer, with Jesus' help, saved my life with her remarkable anthem, "I have to believe". If you only knew how many times in Paoli, Bryn Mawr and Lankenau alike I heard, "Have you considered terminating the pregnancy?" I was too scared to be offended, until later when it hit me. And after they discovered my baby's limb deficiency (week 12) they wanted to put me through the million dollar workup. Did I have cancer? Were those tumors? Was this genetic? Did he also have Downs? Or maybe he was a kangaroo?! Lord have MERCY. Finally by week 26 or so, I said no more. No more tests. This child is going to be born however Almighty God created him to be and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Oh, "...and I DON'T have cancer!", I told them. I am now so ashamed at the silly things that scared me then. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold him. Wouldn't want to look at his fin (that's what we call it -- he's our little Nemo.) I had no idea what being a mom would be like let alone being a mom to a child that was different. I remember having nightmares before he was born that onlookers would peek into the baby carriage, pull back his blanket, scream in horror----then run. But little did I know that this child would be born with blue eyes (even a greater shock than his limb difference) and end up doing television commercials. I had no idea that his favorite subject would be Bible and that he would dazzle us with his unending charisma and brain power. I had no idea the feeling I would get when I watch my parents love him to smithereens and proudly boast about his every move. My mother would squeal with every photograph she saw and my dad would brag about how the pictures I took of him were so remarkable. I had no idea what God had the power of doing. And I still don't know all that is ahead for him. For us. For me as God does a mighty work within me as his mother. Now, don't be fooled. I have not been tricked into thinking that he is going to be King Josiah; crowned at aged 8 - or leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am fully aware that this child could grow to dislike and resent me. Maybe even laugh in the face of our Lord. But for now I am going to hold onto the promise that Levi has been sealed - because of his childlike faith in Jesus. And today and everyday I will dedicate him to our Lord in hopes that he will find the calling upon his life and chase after it with all his might. The little tune I sang for Levi's dedication at COS:

There's nothing like the warmth of a baby in your arms | Watching him fall fast asleep I like to keep him safe from harm | Singing lullabies at night when no-one is around | Watching daddy's face light up with joy, he's the proudest dad in town

Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

There's nothing like the love I have for Levi in my heart | For You have formed his body and You've sculpted every part | He's the answer to the prayer, that my Granddad had for me | And I know You heard my parents' cries, when they were on their knees

Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

And now I rock my baby, in the chair that once rocked me | And daddy wants another turn to hold him tenderly | What we've learned through this child as we look into his eyes | The heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise

Thank you Lord, Oh.... Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. How could I ask for more.

(Words by Linda Hytha & Sheryl Weaver White)

PLEASE LISTEN TO RITA SPRINGER'S TUNE HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttGLvjh8_8

It's only money

For those of you have ever experienced a time of unemployment or underemployment, this is for you. My husband is a project manager in commercial construction with a BA from Villanova University. Within our 13 year marriage, we are presently in what I believe to be our 7th layoff. The most painful was in 2009 lasting over 8 months. We had 3 boys at home - and our youngest was a newborn. Those months were long. Long and very, very painful. I was hormonal (post baby) and so was our teenage son, for reasons altogether different. (Oh, I'm laughing at myself. That was funny.) The togetherness was unending - and in a small house, there was really nowhere to be but together. I made so many mistakes back then for which I'm paying now, in part, with the fractured relationship we share with our oldest, now 21. I wish so badly I would have had more faith. That worry wouldn't have been my closest friend. That *I* would have been the one providing peace in the home instead of the one adding unnecessary strife to our mess. This time, in late October, my husband was blindsided with a layoff from a new job he thought was going fairly well. He was crushed (still is if you want to know the truth), but I vowed things would be much different this time around. I got on my knees by the bed that he was laying in and I buried my face. But when I looked up at him again, I said confidently, WE ARE GOING TO TRUST GOD. I so wanted this next layoff to prove to be a real growing, loving, nurturing time in our family. So I prayed for grace. Grace. Faith. And manna. I prayed that each day God would grant me the grace I needed to live out the very faith that I so often TALK about, WRITE about and SING about. The kind of immutable faith that would protect my children from feeling the sting of the drought we were going through. That hopefully when they are older they can look back and say, "we didn't have much, but we didn't KNOW we didn't have much." I prayed that God would then show His glory by providing for us in new and unexpected ways. So? The doorbell rang while I was cooking dinner. My hair was a wreck, I think I even had raw chicken on my hands (I'm an expert at cross contamination). A woman I knew only casually handed me $500. I couldn't believe it. Then again, I could. After all, THAT is how God works. My boys were squealing. "Look how God provides!", I told them. An anonymous envelope in the mailbox containing $40 reading, "Have dinner on us tonight" came the next day. A $300 check arrived in the mail from a girlfriend. An email from a gal I met at MOPS three years ago - who didn't even know about our situation, asked me if she could bring us dinner. Her husband was away and she had extra. A man walking alongside me at church one Sunday reached over to hold my hand (I thought, what a FRIENDLY CHURCH!) and slipped me $40. It was a day that my tank was nearly empty. Several other things happened each day that gave me the confidence to keep trusting God. A free chicken at the market - because it rang up wrong at the register. A bunch of baked goods from Great Harvest because they accidentally lost my order. An anonymous envelope left at our preschool containing $100. A gift card for groceries. Another gift card for groceries. There were so many things day after day that reminded me that our God is loving and that He LOVES to give good gifts to His children. Oh, here's a fun one. I was asked to sing at a church in Kennett Square. I had to make the trip during the week for rehearsal, then back again to serve on Sunday. That was a blow to my gas tank. I thought to myself, should I tell the church it's a hardship for me and ask them to help offset the cost of fuel? I thought back to my childhood when my father taught me to "do it as unto the Lord". So I told myself I would just trust God to provide. Low and behold, after singing at the 9am service, a woman I used to know from COS leaned over and slipped me two Andrew Jacksons. I laughed and laughed as I told her the story of my petrol predicament. This is the piece. The PIECE to achieving PEACE that passes all understanding. That piece is trusting in the strong name of Jesus of Nazareth. Don't get me wrong. Things are still pretty bad. This is the only year I didn't have one present to open on my birthday, but I didn't really care. I have peace inside. And our finances are still a wreck, the van is not inspected and our credit rating is probably in the sewer and I'm really not even certain we'll be able to stay in our home. But when you have eternal perspective you realize that the trials we face on this earth are only for a short time. What is really important is serving and loving God and helping others to receive eternal life in Christ. And, after that remember. It's only money. PHOTO CRED: Allie Skylar Photography

The thing I wish I never would have googled

Music is a glorious thing. It can make us laugh, weep, SOB even, dance, worship, think. It can help us remember a place in time long ago when we were in love or when someone we loved broke our heart. It can transport us back to being 4 years old eating stale crackers in a Sunday School room while a little boy with a horrible runny nose reached to grab your hand. Many can mark time by a certain favorite song. One of my most beloved shows these days is The Voice. I am blown away by the talent they found and cannot believe these people have to compete against each other. They're ALL winners to me! As a singer, they make me feel like I can't even pull-off a verse of the Itsy Bitsy Spider without embarrassing myself entirely. And when I sit down to watch this show each week, many times I have to squint to see the title of the song displayed on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen because I am just not acquainted with pop music any more. So when a boy named Nic Hawke did a really upbeat tune where he had to rap, sing in falsetto and pull off many parts, the judges went NUTS because "he single-handedly sang ALL the different elements of the song." (How many parts did he do? I asked myself.) It was an OK performance in my view. The boy definitely has talent; not my favorite, but I could appreciate it. Later that week, one of my favorite political pages on Facebook posted a clip from the CMA's with a teaser that included some of my favorite people from A&E's Duck Dynasty. I was intrigued and clicked on the link that featured Carrie Underwood doing a hilarious parody on 'ObamaSCARE' - bridged by a spoof of the so-called #1 hit, "Blurred Lines". I watched and laughed as Carrie quacked along with another famous Country artist (?). When Jase, Missy, Willie and Korie Robertson danced onto the stage, I listened to the tune and thought I recognized it from Nic Hawke's performance on The Voice. I wondered what all the fuss was about. I googled the video "Blurred Lines". The song had a funky, catchy beat. The girls were SO attractive. Not wearing much. Robin Thicke - I couldn't believe it was his father that I watched all those years star alongside Kirk Cameron on that innocent family show. I was hypnotized by Robin's blue eyes and focused closely on trying to understand the words. The video looked like trouble, but I kept watching. The music was seductive and the beat began to come alive in me. I didn't stop watching. Then I heard words like, "You want to hug me." (See now THAT'S cute!) Then, "What rhymes with hug me?" Ooops. Now this tune, those lyrics and images play over and over in my head. 3:00 in the morning on the way to the powder room. First thing out of bed. Fixing dinner. How shameful. Of all the things that should be occupying my mind, this tune is not one of them. I am ashamed that my God, who so masterfully created music and all the wonderful emotions and feelings that it evokes, has to listen to me hum this tune silently in my head. I can't get it out and I so wish I would have never googled it. For my brothers and sisters in Christ: I know the struggle I have with the world's music. It IS enticing. It IS creative. The dancing is often sexy and erotic. It IS catchy and many times very well done. But let's be very careful what we fill our ears and our minds and our eyes with. Don't be deceived that "it's just music"..."I can handle it". Music was created by God to have power to change our minds, our moods, our thoughts and desires, but the world has perverted it. I say - TURN IT OFF.